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• The Religious Pilgrimage.
• ΙΧΘϒΟΦΑΓΙΑ.
• The Funeral.
• Echo.
• ΠΟΛϒΔΑΙΤΙΑ, Or, the Unequal Feast.
• Of Things and Words.
• Charon.
• The Assembly of Grammarians.
• ΑΓΑΜΟΣ ΓΑΜΟΣ, Or, the Unequal Marriage.
• The Imposture.
• Cyclops, Or the Gospel-carrier.
• ΑΠΡοΣΔΙοΝϒΣΑ the Impertinents, Or Crosspurposes.
• The False Knight: Or, ΙΠΠΕϒΣ ΑΝΙΠΠΟΣ·
• ΑΣΤΡΑΓΑΛΙΣΜΟΣ.
• ΓϒΝΑΙΚΟΣϒΝΕΔΡΙΟΝ. the Assembly Or Parliament of Women.
• Diluculum: Or, the Early Rising.
• ΝΗΦΑΛΙοΝ ΣϒΜΠοΣΙοΝ. the Sober Feast.
• The Notable Art.
• The Sermon, Or Merdardus.
• The Lover of Glory.
• Opulentia Sordida, Or the Wealthy Miser.
• The Seraphick Funeral.
• Amicitia, Or Friendship.
• Problema.
• The Epicurean.
• The Conflict Between Thalia and Barbarism.
• Des. Erasmus of Rotterdam to the Reader,: Concerning the Profitableness of Colloquies.
• Erasmus of Rotterdam, of the Method of Study, to Christianus of Lubeck.

CYCLOPS, or the GOSPEL-CARRIER.

The Argument.

CANNIUS, POLYPHEMUS.

CAN.

What is Polyphemus hunting after here?

Poly.

Do you ask what I am hunting after, when I have neither Dogs nor Hunting-Pole?

Can.

Perhaps some Lady of the Wood here?

Poly.

You have guess’d shrewdly, lo here is my Hunting-Net.

Can.

What’s this I see? Bacchus in a Lion’s Skin? Polyphemus with a Book in his Hand, γαλῃ̑ κροκωτόν; a Cat in a lac’d Petticoat?

Poly.

Nay, I have not only painted my Book with Saffron, but also with Vermilion and Azure.

Can.

I did not speak of Crocus, but I spoke Greek, Crocoton. It seems to be a military Book, for it seems to be armed with Bosses and Plates, and Rings of Brass.

Poly.

Look into it.

Can.

I see what it is, and truly it is very fine; but not so fine as it should be.

Poly.

What does it want?

Can.

You ought to put your Coat of Arms upon it.

Poly.

What Arms?

Can.

The Head of Silenus looking out of a Hogshead. But what does it treat of? the Art of Drinking?

Poly.

See what it is, that you do not speak Blasphemy before you are aware.

Can.

Why then, is there any Thing in it that is sacred?

Poly.

What can be more sacred than the Gospel?

Can.

Good God! What does Polyphemus do with the Gospel?

Poly.

Why don’t you ask, what a Christian has to do with Christ?

Can.

I don’t know but that a Halbert would become you better; for if any one should meet you at Sea in that Figure, he would take you for a Pirate, or in the Wood for a High-Way-Man.

Poly.

But the Gospel teaches us, not to judge of Men by outward Appearance; for as a tyrannous Disposition often lies hid under a monkish Habit, yet sometimes a short Head of Hair, curl’d Whiskers, a stern Brow, a fierce Look, and a Feather in the Cap, and a Buff-Coat and Breeches cut and slash’d, cover an Evangelical Mind.

Can.

And why may it not? sometimes a Sheep lies hid under a Wolf’s Skin. And if we may give any Credit to Emblems, an Ass lurks under the Coat of a Lion.

Poly.

Nay, I have known a Man carry the Sheep in his Face, and the Fox in his Heart. And I wish he had as candid Friends, as he has black Eyes; and that he had as well the Value of Gold, as the Colour of it.

Can.

If he that wears a woollen Hat, must needs wear a Sheep’s Head, how do you go loaded, that carry a Sheep and an Estrich too on your Head? But does not he act more absurdly, that carries a Bird upon his Head, and an Ass in his Breast?

Poly.

You bite too close.

Can.

But it were very well, if that Gospel that you have so finely adorn’d, did reciprocally adorn you. You have adorn’d it with Colours, I wish it did adorn you with good Manners.

Poly.

I’ll make that my Care.

Can.

As you used to do.

Poly.

But omitting all Reflections, do you really blame those that carry the Gospel about them?

Can.

No, by no Means (minime Gentium).

Poly.

What? will you say that I am the least Man in the World, that am taller than you by an Ass’s Head?

Can.

I don’t think you are so much taller, tho’ the Ass should prick up his Ears.

Poly.

By an Ox’s Head, I dare say.

Can.

I like the Comparison; but I said Minimè the Adverb, not Minime the Vocative Case.

Poly.

Pray what’s the Difference between an Egg and an Egg?

Can.

And what’s the Difference, say you, between the middle Finger and the little Finger?

Poly.

Why, the middle Finger is the longest.

Can.

Wittily said: What’s the Difference between the Ears of an Ass, and those of a Wolf?

Poly.

The Ears of a Wolf are shorter.

Can.

You have hit it.

Poly.

But I used to measure long and short Things by the Span, and by the Ell, and not by the Ears.

Can.

Come on. He that carried Christ, was call’d Christopher; and instead of Polyphemus, you, who carry the Gospel, shall be call’d the Gospel-Bearer.

Poly.

Don’t you think it a holy Thing to carry the Gospel?

Can.

Not at all, unless you will allow me, that Asses are the Greatest Saints.

Poly.

Why so?

Can.

Because one Ass will carry at least three thousand such Books; and I am persuaded you would be able to carry as many yourself, if you were well hamper’d.

Poly.

I think there is no Absurdity in attributing Holiness to an Ass, because he carry’d Christ.

Can.

I shan’t envy you that Holiness; and if you have a Mind to it, I will give you some Reliques of that very Ass that Christ rode upon, to kiss.

Poly.

You will give me a very acceptable Present; for that Ass was consecrated by being touch’d by the Body of Christ.

Can.

And those Persons touch’d Christ too, that smote our Saviour on the Face.

Poly.

But come, tell me your Mind seriously; is it not a pious Thing to carry the Book of the Gospel about one?

Can.

It is a pious Thing, if it be done sincerely, and without Hypocrisy.

Poly.

Talk of Hypocrisy to Monks; what has a Soldier to do with Hypocrisy?

Can.

But first tell me what Hypocrisy is.

Poly.

When a Man seems to be one Thing, and is really another.

Can.

But what does the carrying the Gospel about you signify? Does it not signify a holy Life?

Poly.

I suppose it does.

Can.

Well then, where a Man’s Life is not suitable to the Book, is not that Hypocrisy?

Poly.

It seems so to be. But what is it truly to carry the Gospel?

Can.

Some carry the Gospel in their Hands, as the Franciscans do the Rules of St. Francis; and at that Rate the Paris Porters, Asses, and Geldings may carry it as well as a Christian. Some carry it about in their Mouths, and talk of nothing but Christ and the Gospel: This is Pharisaical. Others carry it about in their Hearts. He is the true Gospel-Bearer, that carries it in his Hands, in his Mouth, and in his Heart.

Poly.

But where are these?

Can.

The Deacons in the Churches, who both carry the Gospel, read it to the People, and have it in their Hearts.

Poly.

But for all that, they are not all holy, who carry the Gospel in their Hearts.

Can.

Don’t play the Sophister with me. A Man does not carry it in his Heart, that does not love it with all his Soul; and nobody loves it as he ought, that does not conform to it in his Life.

Poly.

These Subtleties I don’t understand.

Can.

I’ll be plainer then. If you were to carry a Flaggon of Wine upon your Shoulders, what is it but a Burden?

Poly.

Nothing.

Can.

If you hold it in your Mouth and spurt it out?

Poly.

I should be never the better for it; tho’ I don’t often use to do so.

Can.

But suppose you take a hearty Draught, as your Way is?

Poly.

There is nothing more Divine.

Can.

It warms the whole Body, brings the Blood into the Cheeks, and makes a Man look with a merry Countenance.

Poly.

Most certainly.

Can.

So it is with the Gospel; being receiv’d into the Veins of the Soul, it renews the whole Habit of the Man.

Poly.

It may be you think then, that I don’t lead my Life according to my Book.

Can.

No Body can tell that better than yourself.

Poly.

If it, indeed, were to be resolved after the military Manner.

Can.

Suppose a Man should give you the Lye to your Face, or call you Blockhead, what would you do?

Poly.

What would I do? I’d give him a Box on the Ear: I’d make him feel the Weight of my Fingers.

Can.

What if he should give you a Box o’th’ Ear?

Poly.

Why then I’d cut his Throat for it.

Can.

But your Book teaches you another Lesson, and bids you return good (Words) for evil, and if any one strikes you on the right Cheek, to turn to him the left also.

Poly.

I have read so, but I had forgot it.

Can.

You pray often, I suppose.

Poly.

That’s Pharisaical.

Can.

Long Prayers are indeed Pharisaical, if they be accompanied with Ostentation. But your Book teaches, that you should pray always, but with your Mind.

Poly.

Well, but for all that I do pray sometimes.

Can.

When?

Poly.

Sometimes, when I think on’t: It may be once or twice a Week.

Can.

And what is your Prayer?

Poly.

Why, the Lord’s Prayer.

Can.

And how often do you say it over?

Poly.

But once: For the Gospel forbids vain Repetitions.

Can.

Can you go thro’ the Lord’s Prayer without thinking of any Thing else?

Poly.

I never try’d that. Is it not enough that I pronounce?

Can.

I can’t tell that God takes Notice of any Thing in Prayer but the Voice of the Heart. Do you fast often?

Poly.

No, never.

Can.

But your Book recommends Prayer and Fasting both.

Poly.

I should approve of it too, but my Stomach will not bear it.

Can.

But St. Paul says, that he is no Servant of Christ that serves his Belly. Do you eat Flesh every Day?

Poly.

Yes, when I can get it.

Can.

And you are of a robust Constitution, that would live upon Hay (like a Horse) or the Barks of Trees.

Poly.

But Christ says, that those Things that go into a Man do not defile him.

Can.

Nor do they, if they be taken moderately, and without giving Scandal. But St. Paul, who was a Disciple of Christ, would rather starve with Hunger, than offend a weak Brother by his eating; and he exhorts us to follow his Example, and that we become all Things to all Men.

Poly.

But Paul is Paul, and Polyphemus is Polyphemus.

Can.

But it is Ægon’s Office to feed she-Goats.

Poly.

But I had rather eat myself.

Can.

That’s a pleasant Wish; you’ll sooner be a he-Goat than a she one.

Poly.

But I used esse for edere.

Neatly spoken. Do you give liberally to the Poor?

Poly.

I have nothing to give.

Can.

But you would have something to give, if you lived soberly, and took Pains.

Poly.

But it is a pleasant Thing to live at Ease.

Can.

Do you keep the Commandments?

Poly.

That’s a hard Task indeed.

Can.

Do you repent of your Sins?

Poly.

Christ has made Satisfaction for us already.

Can.

How is it then that you make it out, that you love the Gospel?

Poly.

I’ll tell you; there was a certain Franciscan with us, who was perpetually thundering out of the Pulpit against Erasmus’s New Testament; I caught the Fellow once by himself, and took him hold by the Hair with my left Hand, and nubbled him so well-favouredly with my right, that you could see no Eyes he had for the Swellings. What do you say now? Was not this done like a Man that loves the Gospel? And after all this, I gave him Absolution with this very Book, knocking him over his Coxcomb three Times, made three Bunches upon his Crown, in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and so absolv’d him in Form.

Can.

This was evangelically done, without Question: This is indeed a defending one Gospel with another.

Poly.

I chanc’d to light upon another, a Brother of his, of the same Order, who was still railing against Erasmus without either End or Measure. My Gospel-Zeal mov’d me once again, and I threatned him so severely, that I brought him to beg Pardon on his Knees, and confess, that what he said was by the Instigation of the Devil. I stood over him with my Partizan in my Hand, looking upon him like the Picture of Mars in a Battle, ready to have cut off his Head if he had not done it readily; and this was done in the Presence of a great many Witnesses.

Can.

I wonder the Man was not frighted out of his Wits. But to proceed; do you live chastly?

Poly.

It may be I shall when I come to be old. But shall I tell you the Truth, Cannius?

Can.

I am no Priest, and if you have a Mind to confess yourself, you must seek somebody else.

Poly.

I use to confess to God, but for once I’ll do it to you: I am as yet no perfect, but a very ordinary, Christian. We have four Gospels, and we military Gospellers propound to ourselves chiefly these four Things: 1st, to take Care of our Bellies. 2ndly, That nothing be wanting below. 3rdly, To have wherewith to live on. And lastly, To do what we list. And when we have gain’d these four Points, we drink and sing as if the Town was our own, Let the Gospel live, and Christ reign.

Can.

This is the Life of an Epicure, not of a Christian.

Poly.

I can’t deny that. But you know Christ is omnipotent, and can make us other Men in an Instant, if he pleases.

Can.

Yea, and he may make you Swine too, and that seems to be an easier Change than into good Men.

Poly.

I wish there were no worse Things in the World, than Swine, Oxen, Asses and Camels. You may find a great many People that are fiercer than Lions, more ravenous than Wolves, more lustful than Sparrows; who will bite worse than Dogs, and sting worse than Vipers.

Can.

But it is now high Time for you to turn from a Brute to a Man.

Poly.

You say well, for I find in the Prophecies of these Times, that the World is near at an End.

Can.

There is so much the more Reason for you to make Haste to repent.

Poly.

I hope Christ will give me his helping Hand.

Can.

But do you see that you render yourself fit Matter to work upon. But from whence do they gather, that the World is so near an End?

Poly.

Because, they say, People are now doing just as they did before the Flood; they are eating and drinking, marrying and giving in Marriage; they whore, they buy, they sell, they pawn and lend upon Usury, and build; Kings make War, and Priests study to encrease their Revenues; p. 177 School-Men make Syllogisms, Monks run up and down the World; the Rabble makes Mobs, and Erasmus writes Colloquies; and, in fine, no Miseries are wanting, Hunger, Thirst, Robberies, Hostilities, Plagues, Seditions; and there is a great Scarcity of all that is good: and do not all these Things argue that the World is near an End?

Can.

But of all this Mass of Mischiefs, which of them is it that troubles you most?

Poly.

Guess.

Can.

That Spiders perhaps make Cobwebs in your empty Pockets.

Poly.

As I hope to live, you have hit it. I am just now come from drinking hard; but some other Time, when I am sober, if you will, we’ll have another Touch at the Gospel.

Can.

And when shall I see you sober?

Poly.

When I am so.

Can.

And when will you be so?

Poly.

When you see me so. And, my dear Cannikin, in the mean Time, all Happiness attend you.

Can.

And, by Way of Requital, I wish you may be what you are call’d.

Poly.

And, that you may not outdo me in Courtesy, I wish the Can, from whence you have borrowed your Name, may never fail Cannius.

Cyclops, or the Gospel-Carrier169

With reference to this Colloquy, the following, from a letter of Erasmus to Oecolampadius, dated 15th July, 1529, will be read with interest:—“Jerome Froben told me to-day that there are those who entertain some strange sinister suspicion concerning my feeling towards you, on the ground that I have affronted you in my writings; and also that I lately turned aside from my road, to avoid greeting you. Know, that both these allegations are the idlest of dreams. I have not written a single letter by which I meant to hurt you, or in writing which I was thinking about you. When the Colloquy Cyclops was being printed, some at Froben’s works suspected, because mention is made of a “sheep’s head,” a “fox’s heart,” and a “long nose,” that you were intended; whereas the fact is, this fun was poked at Nicolaus Cannius, my servant, who was ambitious of being celebrated in the Colloquies. He wears a cap of that kind, and has a long nose, and is of swarthy complexion and black hair. That you wore a similar cap I never heard, unless on this occasion. I am not so foolish, as to break such jests upon learned men. Polyphemus, too, begged to be celebrated: who was in the habit of carrying about a richly ornamented copy of the Gospel, while there was nothing fouler than his life. So the matter stands as to my writings. As to the other charge, I am in the habit of going nearly always that way to Froben’s garden, when the weather is pretty fair, because the other way is somewhat close and stinks. Therefore, had no one been by, I should still have gone that way. Nor did I then know that you were over against me, but my servant told me; and I should thereupon have turned back to you, had there not been many persons present unknown to me, and I did not wish to disturb their company. I said so to my servant at the time.” This occurred at Basle, where Oecolampadius resided.

Lady of the Wood169

“Hamadryad,” original.

γαλῃ̑ κροκωτόν169

Lit., “a weasel in a saffron-robe;” which was worn by “fast” ladies at Athens. Aristophanes.

I wish you may be what you are call’d177

i. e. Polyphemus, in the sense of famous, the original meaning being many-voiced.