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THE FIRST SATIRE OF THE SECOND BOOK OF HORACE - Alexander Pope, The Complete Poetical Works of Alexander Pope [1903]

Edition used:

The Complete Poetical Works of Alexander Pope. Cambridge Edition, ed. Henry W. Boynton (Boston and New York: Houghton, Mifflin and Co., 1903).

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THE FIRST SATIRE OF THE SECOND BOOK OF HORACE

This satire was first published in 1733, under the title A Dialogue between Alexander Pope of Twickenham, on the one part, and the Learned Counsel on the other.

TO MR. FORTESCUE

    • P.There are (I scarce can think it, but am told),
    • There are to whom my satire seems too bold;
    • Scarce to wise Peter complaisant enough,
    • And something said of Chartres much too rough.
    • The lines are weak, another ’s pleas’d to say;
    • Lord Fanny spins a thousand such a day.
    • Tim’rous by nature, of the rich in awe,
    • I come to counsel learned in the law:
    • You ’ll give me, like a friend both sage and free,
    • Advice; and (as you use) without a fee.10
    • F. I’d write no more.
    • P. Not write? but then I think,
    • And for my soul I cannot sleep a wink.
    • I nod in company, I wake at night;
    • Fools rush into my head, and so I write.
    • F. You could not do a worse thing for your life.
    • Why, if the night seem tedious—take a wife:
    • Or rather, truly, if your point be rest,
    • Lettuce and cowslip wine: probatum est.
    • But talk with Celsus, Celsus will advise
    • Hartshorn, or something that shall close your eyes.20
    • Or if you needs must write, write Cæsar’s praise;
    • You ’ll gain at least a Knighthood or the Bays.
    • P. What? like Sir Richard , rumbling, rough, and fierce,
    • With Arms, and George, and Brunswick, crowd the verse;
    • Rend with tremendous sound your ears asunder,
    • With gun, drum, trumpet, blunderbuss, and thunder?
    • Or nobly wild, with Budgell’s fire and force,
    • Paint angels trembling round his falling horse?
    • F. Then all your Muse’s softer art display,
    • Let Carolina smooth the tuneful lay;30
    • Lull with Amelia’s liquid name the Nine,
    • And sweetly flow thro’ all the royal line.
    • P. Alas! few verses touch their nicer ear;
    • They scarce can bear their Laureate twice a year;
    • And justly Cæsar scorns the poet’s lays;
    • It is to history he trusts for praise.
    • F. Better be Cibber, I ’ll maintain it still,
    • Than ridicule all Taste, blaspheme Quadrille,
    • Abuse the city’s best good men in metre,
    • And laugh at peers that put their trust in Peter .40
    • Ev’n those you touch not, hate you.
    • P. What should ail ’em?
    • F. A hundred smart in Timon and in Balaam.
    • The fewer still you name, you wound the more;
    • Bond is but one, but Harpax is a score.
    • P. Each mortal has his pleasure: none deny
    • Scarsdale his bottle , Darty his ham-pie:
    • Ridotta sips and dances till she see
    • The doubling lustres dance as fast as she:
    • F[ox] loves the Senate, Hockley-hole his brother,
    • Like in all else, as one egg to another.50
    • I love to pour out all myself as plain
    • As downright Shippen , or as old Montaigne:
    • In them, as certain to be lov’d as seen,
    • The soul stood forth, nor kept a thought within;
    • In me what spots (for spots I have) appear,
    • Will prove at least the medium must be clear.
    • In this impartial glass my Muse intends
    • Fair to expose myself, my foes, my friends;
    • Publish the present age; but where my text
    • Is vice too high, reserve it for the next;60
    • My foes shall wish my life a longer date,
    • And ev’ry friend the less lament my fate.
    • My head and heart thus flowing thro’ my quill,
    • Verse-man or prose-man, term me which you will,
    • Papist or Protestant, or both between,
    • Like good Erasmus, in an honest mean,
    • In moderation placing all my glory,
    • While Tories call me Whig, and Whigs a Tory.
    • Satire ’s my weapon, but I ’m too discreet
    • To run amuck, and tilt at all I meet;70
    • I only wear it in a land of Hectors,
    • Thieves, supercargoes, sharpers, and directors.
    • Save but our Army! and let Jove incrust
    • Swords, pikes, and guns, with everlasting rust!
    • Peace is my dear delight—not Fleury’s more:
    • But touch me, and no minister so sore.
    • Whoe’er offends, at some unlucky time
    • Slides into verse, and hitches in a rhyme,
    • Sacred to ridicule his whole life long,79
    • And the sad burden of some merry song.
    • Slander or poison dread from Delia’s rage;
    • Hard words or hanging, if your judge be Page ;
    • From furious Sappho scarce a milder fate,
    • Pox’d by her love, or libell’d by her hate.
    • Its proper power to hurt each creature feels;
    • Bulls aim their horns, and asses lift their heels;
    • ’T is a bear’s talent not to kick, but hug;
    • And no man wonders he ’s not stung by Pug.
    • So drink with Walters, or with Chartres eat,
    • They ’ll never poison you, they ’ll only cheat.90
    • Then, learned Sir! (to cut the matter short)
    • Whate’er my fate,—or well or ill at court,
    • Whether old age, with faint but cheerful ray,
    • Attends to gild the ev’ning of my day,
    • Or death’s black wing already be display’d,
    • To wrap me in the universal shade;
    • Whether the darken’d room to muse invite,
    • Or whiten’d wall provoke the skewer to write;
    • In durance, exile, Bedlam, or the Mint,—
    • Like Lee or Budgell I will rhyme and print.100
    • F. Alas, young man, your days can ne’er be long:
    • In flower of age you perish for a song!
    • Plums and directors, Shylock and his wife,
    • Will club their testers now to take your life.
    • P. What? arm’d for Virtue when I point the pen,
    • Brand the bold front of shameless guilty men,
    • Dash the proud Gamester in his gilded car,
    • Bare the mean heart that lurks beneath a Star;
    • Can there be wanting, to defend her cause,
    • Lights of the Church, or guardians of the Laws?110
    • Could pension’d Boileau lash in honest strain
    • Flatt’rers and bigots ev’n in Louis’ reign?
    • Could Laureate Dryden pimp and friar engage,
    • Yet neither Charles nor James be in a rage?
    • And I not strip the gilding off a knave,
    • Unplaced, unpension’d, no man’s heir or slave?
    • I will, or perish in the gen’rous cause;
    • Hear this, and tremble! you who ’scape the laws.
    • Yes, while I live, no rich or noble knave
    • Shall walk the world in credit to his grave:120
    • To Virtue only and her Friends a friend,
    • The world beside may murmur or commend.
    • Know, all the distant din that world can keep,
    • Rolls o’er my grotto and but soothes my sleep.
    • There my retreat the best companions grace,
    • Chiefs out of war, and statesmen out of place:
    • There St. John mingles with my friendly bowl
    • The feast of reason and the flow of soul:
    • And he, whose lightning pierced th’ Iberian lines,
    • Now forms my quincunx, and now ranks my vines;130
    • Or tames the genius of the stubborn plain,
    • Almost as quickly as he conquer’d Spain.
    • Envy must own I live among the great,
    • No pimp of Pleasure, and no spy of State,
    • With eyes that pry not, tongue that ne’er repeats,
    • Fond to spread friendships, but to cover heats;
    • To help who want, to forward who excel;
    • This all who know me, know; who love me, tell;
    • And who unknown defame me, let them be
    • Scribblers or peers, alike are Mob to me.140
    • This is my plea, on this I rest my cause—
    • What saith my counsel, learned in the laws?
    • F. Your plea is good; but still I say, beware!
    • Laws are explain’d by men—so have a care.
    • It stands on record, that in Richard’s times
    • A man was hang’d for very honest rhymes.
    • Consult the statute; quart. I think it is,
    • Edwardi sext. or prim. et quint. Eliz.
    • See Libels, Satires—here you have it—read.
    • P. Libels and Satires! lawless things indeed!150
    • But grave epistles, bringing Vice to light,
    • Such as a King might read, a Bishop write,
    • Such as Sir Robert would approve—F. Indeed!
    • The case is alter’d—you may then proceed:
    • In such a cause the Plaintiff will be hiss’d,
    • My Lords the Judges laugh, and you ’re dismiss’d.

[Line 6.]Lord Fanny. Lord Hervey.

[Line 23.]Sir Richard. Sir Richard Blackmore.

[Lines 30, 31.]Carolina. Queen Caroline. Amelia. Princess Amelia, second daughter of George II.

[Line 34.]Their Laureate. Colley Cibber.

[Line 40.]Peter. Peter Walter.

[Line 46.]Scarsdale his bottle, Darty his hampie. Lord Scarsdale and Charles Dartineuf, famous epicures.

[Line 49.]Fox. Probably Henry Fox, First Lord Holland. Hockley-hole. There was a noted bear-garden at Hockley-in-the-Hole. See the Spectaor, No 436.

[Line 52.]Shippen. William Shippen, an outspoken politician and a Jacobite, who was sent to the Tower in 1718. According to Coxe, he used to say of himself and Sir Robert Walpole, ‘Robin and I are two honest men; though he is for King George and I for King James.’ (Ward.)

[Line 81.]Slander or poison dread. Alluding to a notorious rumor that a Miss Mackenzie had been poisoned by the Countess of Deloraine.

[Line 82.]Page. Judge Page. See Epilogue to Satires, II. 36.

[Line 100.]Lee. Nathaniel Lee (1657-1692), a tragic poet, author of The Rival Queens.

[Line 129.]He whose lightning, etc. Charles Mordaunt, Earl of Peterborough, who in the year 1705 took Barcelona, and in the winter following, with only 280 horse and 900 foot, enterprised and accomplished the conquest of Valencia. (Pope.)

[Line 153.]Sir Robert. Walpole.